I'm just Nina. I just graduated from college this month. I was so happy—it felt like a thorn had been pulled out of my chest because I had worked so hard for that diploma for years. To be honest, I cried many nights, there were times when I wanted to give up, but I endured it all because I knew it was a big deal for my family.
But I had barely breathed a sigh of relief, expectations were piling up. My parents said I had to apply to study abroad. They said it was the best way for me to make up for the sacrifices they had made—the time, money, and energy they had put in just so I could graduate.
I understand them. All parents want security and a good future for their children. I also don't want them to think that I don't appreciate their hardship. But honestly, I don't know if I can do it yet. I don't have the courage to leave the Philippines, my family, my friends, and especially the person I have planned my life with.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time. He is not just a partner, but one of the reasons why I reached graduation. He is the person who listens to my stories every night, gives me strength when I feel like I have nothing left, and always believes in my abilities even when I myself have doubts. We both have dreams—not luxurious, but simple and happy.
But whenever I mention him to my parents, they don't seem to accept it. It feels like it's wrong for me to want to think about our relationship. It feels like if I'm not thinking about work or money, I'm useless. Sometimes, I wonder if it's wrong for me to prioritize my own happiness.
I just want to make it clear that I'm not shirking my responsibility. I'm not saying I don't want to go abroad forever. Maybe this just isn't the right time for me. I'm not ready yet. There are things I still want to achieve here—experiences I want to feel before stepping into a big change.
I don't want to hurt my parents. They are important to me. They are the ones who taught me hard work, respect, and love. But I also want them to hear my voice. I hope they see that my decision to stay for now wasn't because I was selfish, but because I wanted to be sure—that when I left, I would be wholehearted, without regrets, and ready to face anything.
Right now, I'm trying to muster up the courage to talk to them properly. I want to say that success is not just about money. The direction I choose, and the people I want to be with in achieving my dreams, are also important.
I hope the day comes when they understand that I love them, but I also love myself and I have dreams that I want to follow, in my own way and in my own time.
