My name is Susie, 43 years old. I was young and married at 19. For years, I tried to find the right love, but it always seemed to be replaced by sadness. I have been widowed four times. My first husband died in a motorcycle accident after just one year of marriage. We had no children and that time was short, but the pain of loss was too much.
After a few years, I had a new hope in love. My second husband, we were happy at first, but one day while drinking with friends, he suddenly had a heart attack and passed away. I could do nothing but cry and accept fate again. But I still didn't give up. For the third time, my heart beat again. I got married, and on the day of our honeymoon, he slipped on the hotel stairs and died. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because it felt like I was in a movie.
Everything was difficult, but despite the fear, I still gave my heart a chance to love. I met a kind and responsible man. We were together for three years and finally, I had a daughter. I thought this was the answer to all my prayers. But a few years later, she got cancer and passed away. At every stage of my life, there was a mix of joy, but it still ended with sadness. It hurts so much to lose someone you love over and over again.
Now, I'm really afraid of falling in love or getting married again. I have a a mole on the corner of my eye, and the elders say, when there's a mole on the tear duct, it's bad luck for the husband. I don't know if this is true, but sometimes I can't help but believe it, especially since things are happening in my life one after another. Maybe the superstition is true, or maybe I'm just unlucky in love.
Some people say I should stop getting married and just focus on my child. Right now, that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to be happy as a mother. I don't want to wallow in sadness or blame myself. I don't know if the person I'll be with for the rest of my life will ever come. But if not, as long as I have my child with me, that's enough for me. Even though I wasn't blessed with the love of a man, I'm sure I was blessed with the love of a child.
