I am Jepoy, 34 years old, a simple man whose only dream is to provide a good life for my family. I have two cheerful and intelligent children, and a wife, Marites, who is patient and understanding.
Even though I sometimes don't say it, he is the reason why I get up every day even when it seems like there is no strength left in my body.
Every day, I leave early to work in construction. All day, I lift heavy hollow blocks, rusted steel, and other materials to finish buildings that I can't even live in. But even so, I'm happy because I know this is for my children's future.
When night falls, the fight is still not over. I ride my motorbike, delivering food until late at night. Sometimes it's cold, sometimes it's rainy, but I always think that every kilometer of the journey is a piece of happiness for my family.
Honestly, I can't count how many times I almost slipped on the road or how many nights I could barely eat properly because of exhaustion. But I endured it all.
What I didn't expect was that with all the time and energy I was putting into my work, I was slowly running out of time for Marites.
Often when I come home, the food is already served, still hot. He rubs my shoulder, waiting for me to chat or even just talk. But the moment I close my eyes, I'm asleep from extreme exhaustion.
I saw the sadness in his eyes. Until one night, he quietly said, "It's like you don't love me anymore, Jepoy. It's like you have no desire for me anymore."
Parang binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig. Hindi ko alam kung paano ipapaliwanag na mali iyon, na hindi totoo.
Minsan, gusto kong isigaw na mahal na mahal ko siya. Pero paano mo ipapaliwanag ang pag-ibig kung ang katawan mo mismo ang bumibigay?
Ito ang totoo: Hindi ako nawalan ng pagmamahal. Hindi ako nagsawa. Hindi ako nagbago. Kung may nagbago man, siguro iyon ang dating ako na laging may oras, laging may lakas, laging handang makipagharutan sa kama.
Now, I am often quiet. I often sleep. But in my heart, my love beats stronger than before.
Marites, if you ever read this, I want you to know that you don't have to doubt your place in my life. The problem isn't you. It's not our love. I'm just really tired.
Tired from work, but not from being your husband. Not from being a father to our children. Not from the love that I try to nurture even though it feels like there's nothing left of myself.
I promise, no matter what happens, I will find a way to make up for it. Even if it's a simple hug before bed, a tight hold on your hand, or a whisper of "I love you" even though I'm already closed my eyes from being so sleepy.
I hope that every moment I lie quietly next to you, you will feel that I am still there. Not just as a provider or pillar of the home, but as a husband who never loses the warmth in his heart for you.
I'm tired. But with my love for you—I'll never be exhausted.
