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Marriage in exchange for education

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Just call me Lyra. I'm twenty years old, and since I was a child, I've dreamed of becoming a doctor. It's not just a whim—whenever someone in the family gets sick, I'm the one who helps watch over them, takes care of the medicine, and asks questions to the doctor. I always think that one day, I too will wear a white coat and take care of people.

But I also knew that the cost of that course was no joke. So when Papa said he couldn't afford the medical school tuition, it felt like a dream had collapsed in my chest. He said it would be better if I took up business administration—it was more affordable, more practical, and the job was more secure.

I don't know how to explain to him that my heart beats differently. I can't see myself sitting in an office all day. But because I love my family, I also want to understand their hardship.

While I was thinking about these things, suddenly someone proposed to me—my boyfriend. He had been making me feel better for a long time, but I didn't pay much attention to him because I already had a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years, and although we are not perfect, we are happy. He is kind, thoughtful, and he always makes me happy.

But recently, my boyfriend's offer turned out to be real—not just a ball. He said that if I chose him, his dad would send me to school. I said I wanted to be a doctor? No problem, they covered all the expenses from tuition to allowance. It was like a door suddenly opened.

But there is a price. He wants us to get married. Not forcefully, but clearly. He is serious and so is his family, they say they want me to be a part of their lives. They invited me to their house so I could talk to his dad. They say they voted for me.

When I heard that, I had mixed feelings. Part of me was excited—who wouldn't be excited about the chance to achieve their most cherished dream? But part of me was also confused. How could I tell my boyfriend that this was the case? That someone was offering me a path to my dreams, in exchange for a marriage I wasn't sure about?

I love my boyfriend, that's the truth. But I also want to be true to myself—to my dreams that I don't know when I'll be able to hold again. I'm also not sure if I feel any affection for my lover. Not love like I do for my girlfriend, but not nothing either. It seems like a possibility.

Sometimes I wonder: Am I wrong to value my future? Is it wrong to value my ambition even if the motive seems practical? I don't know. But I know this decision is not easy.

I want to be honest with my boyfriend. I can't hide it from him. It might hurt, we'll both cry for sure. But I'd rather tell the truth than make a lifelong promise that I can't keep.

I also don't rush myself. I know it's no joke to be with someone you don't fully love. I need to make sure that if I choose my suitor, it's not just because of his offer, but because I'm willing to try to love him, not because of debt, but because there's room for him in my heart.

This is one of the hardest decisions I'll ever face. But if I've learned anything, it's to not be afraid to be true to yourself—to others and to yourself.

Tags: Emotion
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