I'm Mia. I don't know where to start, but I just want to get all this weight off my chest. I love my boyfriend Adrian so much. In fact, he's the first person I've ever loved this deeply. When I'm with him, I feel whole—like I don't need anything else.
But in recent months, some doubts have entered my mind. Not because he did anything wrong, but because of what my friends have been saying. They said that maybe I'm not the one he really loves. Some even said that maybe he really wants a man. At first, I just laughed. I said, "You guys are terrible, your base is so shallow." But as they kept bringing it up, the question gradually gnawed at me, "What if it's true?"
I know it's not good to always doubt, but I'm only human. There are nights when I can't sleep thinking about him. Sometimes, I cry without him knowing. I wonder if everything we did together was real. If his hugs were real. If his promises that he wouldn't leave me were just words or substance.
But despite everything, there is a part of my heart that still believes in him. Because I can feel his love. I can feel it every time he looks at me, every time he reaches out to hold my hand when I'm sad, every time he hugs me in the middle of silence.
Maybe that's why I'm writing this because I want to put my own voice first. I want to ask myself: What's more important—what others say or how I feel when I'm with them?
I'm not saying I'm going to close my ears to all advice. It's also important to be open to the possibility that there might be something I haven't seen yet. But for now, I'd rather talk to him honestly. I don't intend to argue or criticize. I just want to explain why I'm confused, why I'm afraid. I want to hear from him where we stand.
If there is any truth to what others say, I know I will be hurt. But I also know that it's not the end of the world when you get hurt. Sometimes, you have to let yourself get hurt to learn.
And if others' suspicions are wrong, we will be stronger because we have been through this together. A relationship is not just about thrills and excitement. There are definitely days that are full of questions, full of anxiety, but it is important that you still choose each other.
For now, that's my plan—talk openly, listen to him without judgment, and listen to myself too.
I don't know what will happen, but I do know that I deserve love that is true, clear, and without hidden reasons. And hopefully, that's what I'll find, no matter where Adrian and I end up.
