My secret has been hidden for a long time and to this day, it still haunts my mind and heart. I want to share it because I feel uneasy and I need advice.
When I was in my 1st year college, I met a guy in a different subject. We weren't in the same course but we often hung out. Even then, I had a boyfriend and we'd been together for 2 years. I loved him and he had become a part of my everyday life. But as time went on, I also got to know a guy better who became my bestfriend until 2nd year. That's where everything started to go wrong because I gradually fell for him, and I didn't even think that he liked me back.
The day came when something happened to my best friend and I. I never thought it would happen, but my boyfriend and I caught each other. I felt so hurt and so embarrassed at the time. But even so, my boyfriend forgave me and gave me a second chance. From then on, I told myself that I wouldn't do it again and that I would make our relationship better.
I talked to the other guy and told him it was true. After that, I blinocked him and tried to forget him. But the hard thing is, even though it's been a few years, my feelings for him still haven't completely gone. Now, I'm in my 4th year and I'm about to graduate. Sometimes, I still see him and whenever that happens, I feel shame and mixed emotions.
The truth is, I still love my boyfriend very much. We've been together for 7 years and I'm so thankful for him because even though he was hurt, he still chose to stay. But my question is, why do I still have strange feelings for the other guy even though I'm ignoring him and we're no longer in contact?
This is the secret I've been keeping for a long time. I'm having a hard time accepting that I can still feel that way about someone even though I'm committed. I just want enlightenment on whether this is normal for me to be experiencing or if there's still something wrong with me.
