The truth is, I'm getting tired of our relationship. I'm 23 years old and he's 24. We've been together as a couple for a year, but we've also known each other for two years. Right from the start, I've felt like I'm always giving, and he's always receiving. Yes, I give because I love him, but I'm also human—there are things I want to receive even if it's just a simple effort.
When he was still a student, I understood that he had nothing material to give. I didn't need a lover, I wasn't looking for a gift—just an effort. I wrote handwritten letters, I handed them to him to show that I was thinking of him. Yes, he hid them, but sometimes, he didn't even write me a letter in return. Until I slowly stopped because I was tired of waiting. Once, I said that even just one letter from him would make me happy. But even that simple, there was still nothing.
I thought, maybe he could make me happy in other ways. So I asked for at least one flower. I know my favorite is sunflower, but he always said, “next time” or “it’s not here, just buy it.” It hurt because it was like I was the one begging for something small. I didn’t want a bouquet or an expensive gift, even if it was just a flower he passed along the way, I would have been happy. But even then, he didn’t do it.
In addition, we are in a long-distance relationship. Because of that, I prefer that he shows effort. I miss him, he says he misses me too, but whenever he visits, I'm the one spending money. Even on our dates, I pay for it. When he borrows money, he always promises, “I'll pay it all back, promise.” If he borrows ₱2,000, he only gets half back—only ₱1,000. At first, I ignored him, thinking that maybe he just doesn't exist. But as time goes on, I feel like I'm the “man” in our relationship. I'm the provider, I'm the one who adjusts, I'm the one who always gives, while he... isn't.
Now, I wonder if I'm wrong to expect more from him. I understand that he doesn't have much yet, but how long can I wait to feel that I'm important to him too? How long will I be satisfied with giving, if the return to me is only half—not just in money, but also in effort and love?
