My name is Jen, 25 years old. I currently have a partner, Alfie, 24 years old. We have been living together in the same house for 4 months and I am now pregnant. I thought our marriage would be happy and peaceful, but I have learned something that I have not been able to accept until now and it is affecting me a lot.
Before we were even in a relationship, he had a fubu. If it had been a different woman, I might not have been so hurt. But when I found out who his fubu was, I completely lost trust. Because the fubu he had was his own cousin on his father's side. To me, that was so wrong and rude. Even though it happened a long time ago, it's hard to get rid of the idea that he could do that to his own blood.
Since I found out, I've had almost no peace of mind. I'm always wondering where he is, especially when he leaves the house or doesn't reply right away. I'm terrified that he might be doing something I don't know about. We often fight, because I can't trust him like I used to. I think to myself, if he was able to touch his cousin, how can I trust him when he's with another woman?
It's gotten to the point where I really want to give up. Sometimes I think about just telling his parents that I want to break up, because I can't handle the situation anymore. He says he's sorry, that he's changed, and that he won't repeat the mistakes he made. But to me, it feels like just words. I'm even more hurt because to this day, he and his cousin still have communication, and he doesn't want to block or avoid it.
I'm pregnant now, so I'm even more stressed. The situation is so difficult. I don't want to think about it, but I'm always overthinking. I think that maybe they're still seeing each other when we don't get along or when he leaves. No matter what I do, I lose my peace and I'm always consumed by doubt and fear.
I don't know how I'm going to get out of this. I don't know if I should keep fighting for our relationship because of the child, or if it's better to choose my own peace and inner safety. I love him, but my trust seems to have completely disappeared.
So here I am, confessing. I just want to get this weight off my chest. I don't know what the right thing to do is—if I should continue this, or if it's better to just walk away while it's still early.
