This is my confession. I'm 35F, and my partner, 36M, and I've been together for almost 20 years. We've been together for so long, we've gone through so many trials and hardships, but now I'm at a point where I don't know how much longer I can take it.
When our eldest was just a year old, he had a crush on a co-worker. He said at the time that the girl had a boyfriend, but I later found out that he really wanted a girl. Despite that, I didn't leave him. My father said we should just fix it for our son. So even though it hurt, I endured it and chose to stay.
But fast forward this year, he cheated again. There's a new admin at 24F, and I can just feel it, he treats me differently. He always helps with reports, while on others, he's strict as a supervisor. When he added the girl to Facebook, we had a fight because I didn't want to, but he still called me praning. Until one day, I caught their secret Viber chat.
That's where my hunch was confirmed. I saw how he flirted with the woman. What hurt even more was that they talked about me. The woman said that she was afraid of me, that's why she didn't want to get close. But even so, they still chatted and met after work. There were even messages saying I love you, including a picture he sent on the very day of our eldest's birthday. And most of all, there was a photo on his phone showing the woman's body — that was the most painful thing.
I've been telling my partner for months to stay away from that woman, but in the end he still cheated. When I caught him, he cried, talked to me again, and in the end, he still chose family. So here I am, adjusting, enduring again, for our children. But in truth, it hurts so much. Sometimes I wonder, why is this? I'm the one who chose, but why does it feel like I'm the one who always has to change and forgive?
Yes, he's my companion, he's my partner, but I don't know how much longer I can take all of this. So now, this is my only way — to let out the weight of my heart here. Because maybe by sharing, there will be others like me who have experienced this, and they will understand how difficult it is to be me.
