All I want is for my husband and I to have a good life, but right now, I feel like I'm the one who looks bad or villain in our relationship. I'm 35 years old, a housewife, and my husband is 40 years old and working. Right now, we're living with my in-law because we're not finished building our own house. I'm having a really hard time with this situation because even though I just want to be practical, my husband thinks I'm meddling too much with his money.
Last year, my brother-in-law helped his sister (my husband's aunt) install wifi. The conversation turned out to be that we would continue to pay the monthly fee. Since then, we have been paying ₱1,400 per month. Their reason was that we could help them and reduce their expenses, especially since they have many children in school and are struggling with expenses. I understand the help, but it's hard for me because we are the ones who spend most of the money at home, especially on groceries. There is almost nothing left of my husband's income.
Last night, I talked to my husband about this. I said, “When our house is finished and we move out, can we stop paying for your aunt's wifi?" Because up until now, we've been paying for it, even though we've already spent a lot on ourselves. But his answer was, “Not yet, only when my nephew graduates.” That's when I felt like we were being forced to do it even though we really couldn't afford it. The truth is, we're not saving because we've spent a lot on building the house. My husband's salary is just enough, and almost all of it goes to materials, workers' compensation, and daily expenses.
I'm not against helping, because I believe that we should help our families when we can. But it's different to oblige you. Honestly, I just want us to put our own families first. If we do help, I hope it's voluntary and not forced. It's hard to feel that even though our own house isn't finished, other people are still being put first. So sometimes, I wonder if it's right for me to speak up or if I should just keep quiet.
What's even more painful is that whenever I bring up this issue, my husband gets angry. He says that I don't trust him and that I'm too meddling. But all I want is for our future to be secure, with our own savings, and not just debt or subsidies. Sometimes I think, maybe I'm wrong, but sometimes, I feel like I'm right because I'm his wife and I also have the right to ask questions and plan for us.
So now, I just want to confess the weight of my feelings. Am I really wrong if I interfere with my husband's money? I don't know if I'm wrong or he is, but I hope someone understands. I'm not forbidding him from helping, but I also want him to see that there should be limits to everything, especially if the exchange is for the well-being of our own family.