My love life is very complicated and full of guilt. I am 29 years old and have a long-time boyfriend who works abroad. From the very beginning, I loved him and he was the one I saw as my life partner. But in 2022, something happened that I didn't expect—and that's where all the trouble started.
I met a guy online. At first, it was just a simple chat, until I got curious and stalked him. That's when I saw that he had a child and a wife. When I asked him, he said they were separated and not married. Because I wanted to believe him, I believed him. He was sweet, caring, and always made me smile. Before I knew it, I was falling for him. It got to the point where we met and something happened. Not just once but several times, until he suddenly lost contact.
A few months passed, and then I learned the painful truth. He was actually married and had lied about his age. It hurt because it felt like he had taken advantage of my trust, but despite that, I couldn't completely forget him. After a year, he came back and confessed to everyone. He said that I was still important to him even though he was married.
This is where I got even more confused. Even though I knew it was wrong, we continued communicating. We always chatted, shared thoughts on life, and sometimes even got into d1rty talks. He said he wanted our connection and I, on the other hand, had a hard time saying no. He didn't know that I had a long-time boyfriend, and my boyfriend didn't know that something was going on with me and my FUBU friend. It was like I was living in two worlds.
I was planning to marry my long-time BF. I knew I should choose him because he was the one who was there for me from then on. But it was hard because I also fell in love with my FUBU. I told him that I wanted marriage and a family of my own. His answer was, he agreed and was open to where our relationship would lead. But he also said that he was still trying to fix his family because of their child, even though he and his wife often fought.
To be honest, I love my BF and he's the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. But when I'm sad and need some comfort, he (FUBU) is the one I talk to. That's where I draw strength, even though I know it's wrong. That's why my situation is so difficult right now—it's like my heart is in two pieces. I don't know who to hold on to.
I just want to share this confession so I can release the weight I'm carrying. I know many will judge me, but I hope someone will understand. I don't know how I'm going to end this mess—if I choose the right path with my BF, or if I keep falling into the wrong relationship that also brings joy but is full of sin.
