My story is about my relationship with my partner. I am 25 years old and he is 32 years old. We have been in a relationship for 6 years, and during those years, I thought I knew him well. But in the last few months, I have been noticing things that I don't know how to deal with.
Whenever we're together and especially when we're getting intimate, he always has his cellphone in his hand. I didn't pay much attention to it at first, thinking maybe he was just at work or talking to someone important. But as time went on, I noticed more and more that whenever he put down his cellphone, he immediately closes the app he was using. When I'm the one who touches his phone, it's always mute, no sound, no sign of any activity—always clean.
That's when I thought, maybe he was watching bold. This became clearer to me when I found out that he was going to beerhouse with his officemates. That's when I felt a change in his behavior. Before, he was sweet and caring, but suddenly he became distant, as if he was always thinking about something, and he was no longer like before.
That's gross, that's rude. I wonder, how can he have sex with me while imagining another woman? It's like I'm not with him. It's like I'm not in front of him. It hurts to think that while I'm giving myself completely, his mind is wandering to another woman.
I know, some people say that it's normal for a man to watch that. Yes, I understand, but it's a different situation when he does that while we're together. While he's holding me. While I'm giving myself wholeheartedly. To me, that's not normal. That's Disrespectful. That's not love.
Now, I feel dirty, used, and invisible. It's like he doesn't see me as his partner. It's like no matter how hard I try, it's not enough. What's even more painful is that every time I see him holding his cellphone, I don't know if I'm still the only thing on his mind—or another woman.
Sometimes I wonder, should I be angry? Should I leave? Or maybe I should talk to him directly? But honestly, it's hard. I love him, but does he still love me if he's acting like this?
