Hi, I just want to get this weight off my chest. I hope no one judges because I really don't know if I'm the only one who's OA or if there's something really wrong with the situation.
I am a 26 year old, full-time mom. My partner is a government employee. This is our first baby—a baby boy—so the day of the baptism was very special to me. I thought it would be fun, but I didn't expect it to cause me such pain.
Right from the start, my partner said he would make all the decisions. I said it was okay, since it was his first time being a father, he might want to make the choices. So even though I wanted to invite my cousins and close friends, I didn't. I let him, thinking that maybe this was his way of being proud and happy about our first child.
But as the baptism approached, I noticed that he changed his mind several times about who he would choose as godparents. In the end, he decided that two of his close male friends (volunteers) would be godparents, and two godparents: one who volunteered and one who worked with him. That's when I became a little quiet. With so many people wanting to be godparents, why would his workmate be one? He didn't volunteer, and I didn't know him that well. But because I didn't want to start a fight, I didn't say anything.
The day of the baptism arrived. The godmother, a girl (volunteer), couldn't come. At church, only our neighbor joined us. Then I saw that my partner immediately greeted his co-worker godmother. When we sat down, there were only four of us in a row: me, the baby, my partner, and the woman. I was even more surprised because he sat next to the woman.
I even heard the woman say, “You should be there, sir,” so my partner moved to my side. But you know that feeling of not being in the scene? While we were taking pictures, the two of them would still talk to each other, as if they were the only two in the world. It hurt.
After mass, we went to the restaurant. My neighbor and I were commuting, my partner was on a motorbike. When we got there, I saw that he had even helped the woman sit down. Me? I was left taking care of the baby. When I sat down, they were both sitting next to each other, happily chatting. They said it was work, but you could tell from their body language—eye contact, laughter—that they were very comfortable with each other.
As I looked at them, I couldn't help but ask the question in my mind: “Why can you be so sweet to her? Why can't you be so sweet to me?” He barely paid attention to the godparents. He was really talking to the woman.
On the way home, the girl also came along. She even gave me a hug. Yes, she was nice, but to me, it felt like an insult. Because all day, I felt like I was the outsider. I just kept quiet until we got home.
When I got home, I couldn't take it anymore. I cried because I was so upset. I told him everything: “You guys are disgusting.” It hurt. I don't know if I was just insecure, but what was clear to me was that he was more caring for others than he was for me—his partner and the mother of his child.
His answer? He said he just wanted to commit suicide because he said he hadn't done anything right and I didn't appreciate him. But the truth is, I don't want to not appreciate him. I just want to feel like I'm his wife, not someone else.
To this day, I wonder if I was wrong. Am I just OA? Or is he also wrong? Because for me, it's simple: On our son's special day, I wanted to feel like I was the first for him. But I didn't feel that way.
