Two years ago, there was a man I hated so much.
As in, too much. He doesn't do anything bad, but I can't take him. He seems to have a magnet for annoyance. Whenever he comes near, it feels like my head is heating up even though he hasn't said anything. Sometimes, when he jokes, my eyes hurt even though I haven't heard the punchline yet.
And yes, he was dating me back then.
He tries to get to know me, sends me snacks, sometimes even milk tea (in fairness). But I'm a deadma. Sometimes, I even yell at him. He doesn't have a chance with me—that's what I think. Maybe because back then, I had a boyfriend who I thought was "the one".
My boyfriend was handsome. Shapely. Smells good. Lots of likes on IG. But… he wasn't for long. One day, I found out I had two more "partners." It hurts, man. It's like our relationship was turned into a group project.
So there you go, break. Broken hearted. What you thought was your happy ending, turns out to be a plot twist.
After the breakup, I lurked on social media—usual healing process. And as I was scrolling, I suddenly remembered him. My suitor who I used to hate.
I remembered how consistent he was, how much effort he put in, and how kind he was. I was curious. "How is he doing?"
I stalked him. There you go, I'm becoming toxic to myself again, but I can't stop myself. Until I saw him... he already has a girlfriend.
And not just a girlfriend—she's also my friend.
Boom.
It feels like a balloon has burst in my chest. I don't know if it's jealousy, regret, or karma.
All I know is, I suddenly fell silent.
I don't mean to cause trouble. I don't mean to kidnap her. But I just want to apologize. I want to tell her that I realized all her efforts before. I want to admit that I was wrong for not appreciating her when she was still single.
So I sent a message. I thought about the words for a long time, but the ending...
“Hi! Nothing. I just wanted to apologize for everything I did before. You don't deserve that. You're so kind and I hope you're happy now.”
He replied after a few hours:
“That's okay. Thank you. I'm happy now. I hope you are too.”
Simple. No drama. But the weight.
Now, I'm okay. I'm still not in a relationship, but I'm more open to love and I know how to appreciate better. I've learned that love is not measured by appearance, IG likes, or how good at making people laugh. Sometimes, it's just about the person who stays quiet even if you don't like them anymore.
If I could go back in time, maybe I wouldn't yell at him. Maybe I would accept the milk tea. But I wouldn't go back. There's no rewind in real life.
So if you're dating someone who seems like a deadma to you, or if you're the one who used to be a deadma to someone who's trying too hard—sometimes, life really is good at plot twists.
And if you're like me... who realizes a person's worth late...
That's okay. Charge it to experience. Move on. Grow. Love again.
Because he's not the only one with a good job and good sense in the world. There are many more. And maybe the next person to replace him, not only is he good-natured... maybe he's handsome too.
