Sometimes, even if you love someone, there are still things you argue about over and over again. And for my wife Mira and I—money is always the reason.
I am Lorenzo, 35 years old, married to Mira for five years. Our life is going well. We both work, have a three-year-old child, and we rent a small apartment in Cavite.
Mira is kind, cheerful, takes care of her children, and also works hard at her job as an admin staff. I work as a call center agent at night. We get along well in many ways—but when it comes to money, we always get into arguments.
It's not because of luxury. She's not a spendthrift on branded things or anything. But in reality, we don't have any savings.
Every paycheck, it seems to just pass through our hands. Groceries, milk, diapers, electricity bills, water, internet—everything has a reason. But it always runs out.
One night, as I was putting our son to bed, I noticed the notebook on the table—the one I use for budgeting. I opened it, and I saw that he had crossed out some entries. He wrote:
“Shouldn’t needs be more important now than savings?”
I knew Mira wrote it back then.
That's where I felt the weight. It wasn't just that she was being bullied—she was being hurt. She felt like I was blaming her for our lack of money.
But all I really want is we're ready in case of an emergency.
What if I lose my job? What if our child gets sick?
I tried to talk to him the next day. I said, “Hon, maybe we can save even just P500 per paycheck. Even if it’s small, just keep going.”
He said, “So what about spending now? Do you want to save for your child?”
I was hurt. I didn't say we should save for our child. I just wanted us to have something to draw on in case something happened.
Since then, our friendship has cooled.
There are days when there is almost no movement. We eat together but it feels like we are not at the same table. The fighting becomes a routine. Even though I want to caress her, it feels like there is a barrier that I can't explain.
It got to the point where I got frustrated and said, “If you don't want to save, it's up to you. I'll just do my own savings.”
That's when she cried. She said, “Why does it seem like I'm the only one at fault in all of this?”
I don't know how to fix it. I love him very much, but what if we really don't understand each other when it comes to money?