The truth is, I still carry the pain that my husband left behind. It's been five years since I caught him leaving. I tell myself that I've forgiven him, but every time I think back to what happened, I can't help but feel angry.
Not to brag, but I know I'm beautiful. When I was young, I was offered to be a model several times but I turned it down because I preferred to focus on my family. We had a good life, we were happy, and I had no idea that he would trade me for another woman. What hurt even more, he traded me for a woman who in my eyes was ugly. Yes, I don't want to insult you but this is what she really looked like: with a big mouth and protruding chin. It hurt so much because he left me for someone I never expected to be able to take me away.
Just a month later, my husband came back. He knelt down in front of me and asked for forgiveness. He said he just got carried away and that he regretted what he had done. Because I love him and because of our children, I chose to forgive him. He came back home and we tried to fix the marriage.
But it's not that easy. When the night is quiet and I suddenly remember his betrayal, it's like I'm choking on anger. I wonder why he exchanged me for the ugly one, even though I know I have no shortcomings as a wife. I never left him even once, I always took care of him and worked hard for the family.
They say that true forgiveness must be accompanied by forgetting. But what if I can't forget? What if every memory of that incident is like a wound that reopens? I often pray and ask for God's help to remove the anger I feel. I want to move on, I want my heart to be whole again.
So now, this is my confession: I have forgiven my husband, but I still can't forget the pain. I am waiting for the day when the anger will completely disappear and only love will remain. I hope that the time will come when I will choose peace over going back to the past.
