My life changed because of a painful and unforgettable experience.
It has been seven years since I gave birth to my son. He was not the result of love but of an abuse that almost destroyed my personality. I was a victim of rape, and from then on, I decided not to get married. I thought then that I would never be able to love or trust any man again.
I didn't press charges against the man who abused me and I even turned down his offer to marry me. Many will ask why I didn't press charges against him. Maybe it was because I was afraid of shame and the judgmental eyes of society. Back then, my outlook on life was a bit liberated. I went on a date with him, we had drinks, and I got drunk. That night, I lost my femininity. To this day, I regret all of that.
But despite what happened, God did not abandon me. He changed me and helped me become stronger. I learned to love my son and embrace my new role as a mother. Yes, it is hard to be alone, but in every smile and hug from my son, I see the reason to keep fighting in life. He has been my strength in all the times of weakness and fear.
Now, another big change is knocking on my door. There is a man who is loyal and ready to love me with all my wounds and past. He knows everything—from beginning to end—and he is unwavering. He said he was ready to marry me. I love him too, but in my heart there is fear. I am afraid that one day he might regret it or be hurt because of what I have been through. I don't want to tarnish his honor and hurt the person who truly loves me.
So now, I'm confused. I want to take a gamble for love, but I'm afraid that my decision might be the wrong one. Sometimes I wonder, do I still deserve a happy family? Or is it enough to just remain a mother to my child? I hope the day comes when I can forgive myself completely and accept that even though I have a painful past, I still have the right to be loved and to be happy.
