My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for two years. I love him. He loves me too — I can feel it. I'm just a quiet girl, I just want things simple in life, so when he came along, it felt like my world became a little lighter.
But there's one part of his life that, to this day, I still have a hard time accepting — his friends.
At first, I tried to socialize. I joined in the drinks, laughed at their stories, listened to their jokes. But as time went on, I noticed that some of the jokes were getting out of hand. There were looks and words that made me feel like I wasn't welcome. I couldn't say it directly, but I could feel it — like they didn't like me.
I just keep quiet when I'm with them. Not because I'm a jerk, but because I'm uncomfortable. I also don't want to ruin their vibe so I just keep quiet, even though sometimes I want to leave.
But what's worse is that when I don't go on their outings, my boyfriend gets upset. He says I don't accept his whole self — that his "whole" self includes his gang.
That's where I was stymied. Am I wrong? Is it wrong to avoid people I can't truly be with? I've tried over and over to understand them, but I'm the one who keeps getting hurt.
Until one night, I talked to him deeply. I told him everything — not to pick on him, but to make him understand where I was coming from. The pain I felt every time I heard those rude jokes, the hesitation I felt to speak up because they might just laugh at me.
Thankfully, he didn't get angry. He didn't immediately defend himself. He just stayed quiet while I cried. And when he did speak, he said: “Why did you just say this now?”
Since then, he's changed. Not immediately — but gradually. When I'm with his friends, he checks to see if I'm okay. He protects me from jokes. And sometimes, he's the one who leaves when his friends get too much trouble.
Not everything is perfect. There are still days when I need to take a deep breath. But now, I'm not alone. I'm not just silent anymore. I have someone to fight for me — even if it's in his gang.
