Just call me K. I am 29 years old, an Ilocana from Cagayan, and I am a licensed teacher. I never thought I would come to a point in my life where I would have to choose between true love and redeem.
There were two men who were a part of my life. The first, an engineer — he was my boyfriend since 2016. I loved him very much and I knew he was what I called a “green flag.” But we broke up before I met Mike in 2020. At first, I thought Mike would be the one to stabilize my life. But it wasn't that simple.
In 2022, my ex and I got back together even though I was already in a relationship with Mike. I knew it was wrong, but my ex was so kind, loyal, and loving, that I couldn't leave him right away. That's when I saw the big difference between them. While my ex was loyal, Mike was a womanizer. But even so, I still clung to Mike because he was the only one who helped us through the hardest trial of my family. That's where the big grateful came in. So even though it hurt, I chose to stay with him.
Years passed, and I repeatedly forgave him for his womanizing. Even though I learned of his infidelity several times, I accepted it because I thought I owed him. In April 2025, that's when I found out the most painful thing — he had gotten pregnant with another woman, and the child was a year old before I discovered it. It hurt a lot, but because I still loved him, I still accepted him. I wanted to understand, I wanted to convince myself that I could still endure it.
But as time went on, I was the one being destroyed. I often got angry, his family felt the pain of my anger. It got to the point where I responded to his words and passed them on to his sister and mother. But instead of understanding me, they still sided with him. I even read in his sister's chat that I should be blocked. It hurt because I thought they accepted me. Of all the people, only his mother had a little understanding of my feelings.
Now, every day I'm tired and stressed. I want to be free, but I'm scared because he's threatened to kill himself several times if I leave him. It's so heavy on my chest because I really want to end it, but I feel tied to him. I love him, yes, but I also love myself. And I feel like I'm slowly losing myself in this relationship.
I don't know how much longer I can hold out. All I know is, I want to be free and live without fear, even if it means losing the person I once loved. Because in the end, it's not gratitude that will bring peace — it's being free and true to yourself.
