I am married for 33 years and we have two children. We have been together for twelve years, and during that time, I have caught him with another woman several times. We have fought over some women, got some pregnant, but in the end I always forgive him.
I still love him. He was my first love even though he wasn't the one who cheated on me. Back then, he said, “there are no such women, just a taste, no strings attached." Because I'm not that knowledgeable when it comes to that kind of thing, maybe that's why he's looking for something else that I can't give. It's gotten to the point where I'm just letting him go, as long as he comes home to us and doesn't forget our financial support.
When it comes to money, he only earns enough to cover the family's expenses. I don't have a job, so if I leave him, we will have a hard time. So even though I'm hurting, I endure it for the sake of the children. I know some will say that I'm a martyr or a fool, but I'm just practical. I also don't expect anything else but him.
But even then, it hurt too much. I caught him with a woman again, and what hurt more was, it wasn't just a taste but it seemed like he had attached feelings there. He himself gave the details and said who the woman was. He even said I could go after her if I wanted. He promised to stop and change, and he apologized—he said it was for the children. I accepted him back because I was thinking about them.
But now, it feels like I'm the villain. He's using a dummy account to discredit his woman, and it feels like I'm the one to blame. Now my husband and I are two people fighting to discredit the woman. I don't know if this is right, or if I should level with him.
I'm tired. I really want to heal. But how? I've spent so many years and sacrifices. So many times I've chosen to forgive him. But for how long? Is it still right for me to give him another chance? Or is it time for me to think about myself and start a new life?
Now, I'm confused about what to do. I still love him, but I love my peace of mind and my children's future more. I want to end the pain but I don't know how to start.
