My life is full of turmoil and emotions right now. I am 36 years old and have a child. I am still married to my husband 39 years old, but we are separated in practice, not just on paper. I am now in Europe, working and earning a good living. I have finally fulfilled my dreams here—but even though my career has been going well, my married life has not been smooth sailing.
My husband and I have always struggled. He has a job, yes, but it's not enough. He can't provide the good life I want for us and our child. I've reached a point where I've lost my appetite and I feel like he can't understand me anymore.
Here in Europe, I met a Brit, 41 years old. We became friends at first, but because of his kindness and caring nature, I gradually fell in love. I don't know how it started, but suddenly, we were going out and dating even though I was still married. With him, I felt what I had been looking for for a long time—attention, care, and love.
The problem was, my husband sensed something was changing. He asked me directly: “Do you love him?” But I couldn't tell the truth. I couldn't admit it because I was afraid. Until the day came when he kept pestering me and wanted to talk to me. I was so tired, I stopped talking to him altogether. It was as if I had lost even more of a connection with him.
A few months passed and we finally talked. We agreed to break up amicably. He said, “I’m letting you go. I won’t hold you back anymore.” My chest felt heavy, but on the other hand, there was a little relief because I had wanted this to happen for a long time. I knew he knew the truth even if I didn’t admit it—that I was with someone else and that I was in love with my new man.
But here's what hurts: my husband still says that even if we're separated, he'll still take me. He says there are more opportunities if we're still together, especially for our child. It's like he still wants to fight for us, even though I feel like my heart is no longer whole for him.
Now, I'm stuck between two worlds. I love my new boyfriend, I like him, I'm happy when I'm with him. But I can't let go of my husband completely—because he's still my partner for many years, he's the father of my child, and he's still a part of who I am.
Kaya eto ang confession ko: Mahal ko ang bagong BF ko, pero hindi ko kayang pakawalan ang mister ko. Nahahati ang puso ko, at hindi ko alam kung saan ako lulugar. Nagtatanong ako sa sarili ko gabi-gabi: tama ba ang ginagawa ko? O isa lang ba akong makasarili na gustong makuha ang lahat?
