Our four years together were full of joy, dreams, and hope. But a month ago, he finally decided to leave me. In April of last year, he was the first to break up with me. He said he didn't see me as a part of his future. I didn't expect that, because we were fine before. It was like my world collapsed in an instant. That pain was so heavy.
After the breakup, I didn't give up on him. I chased him even though he kept leaving me. I begged, I took all the hurtful words and treatment. He knew I had an anxiety disorder, and I used to be his go-to person when he was having a hard time. But he used that against me. He called me crazy, stupid, and cursed at me all the time—he never did that before. I put up with all of that for almost a year, hoping he would change himself. Sometimes there were moments when we felt like we were okay, but the pain in our relationship would quickly return.
Until I was really tired. It felt like my heart had turned cold and numb. In the end, I chose to block him on all social media and other means so that we wouldn't talk anymore. Little by little, he disappeared from my mind even though sometimes I still think about what I did wrong for him to treat me like that. But even then, I didn't want to go back to him. I had lost trust in others because I was afraid of repeating the pain I had experienced.
Even though everything I went through was painful, I hope he will be okay and achieve his dreams. I can't forgive him right now, but I believe the day will come when I will. I will never forget our four years of love—he is still the most precious and biggest pain in my heart.
Goodbye for four years. Thank you for the memories and the lessons I learned from you. I hope you can be happy even though I'm no longer in your life.
