My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a few years now. I am 26 years old and he is 31 years old. At first, everything was fine—we were happy and seemed to have perfect personalities. But in recent months, I've noticed that our relationship seems to be too transactional. It seems like everything comes with a price. When I give something, he always asks for something in return. Even on a simple date, he always wants to split the cost 50/50. In my mind, yes, we are equal, but he should also have a little tenderness and effort as a man.
One night, we talked about it. I told him that if we got married one day, this system would no longer apply. It's not realistic to have KKB (Kanya-Kanyag Bayad) for the rest of our lives. I told him that it's only natural for a man to be the main provider, especially when it comes to family. That's when I admitted that I wanted to experience what's called princess treatment—the kind where you feel special, cared for, and not always counted on for everything.
But his answer to me was that because I believe in equality, it's not right for me to ask for such treatment. His point is, we're equal so there's no reason for him to be the only one spending money or making effort. But for me, that's not how it should be. equality is about equal respect and rights, but that doesn't mean that being a gentleman will disappear. Even though we're equal, he can still open the car door, hand me flowers, or show me a little surprise just to make me feel special to him.
To be honest, I'm hurt. I feel like he's using the word equality just to avoid doing the things that would make me happy. I can afford my share of all our dates, even if it's up to ₱500–₱1,000 per date, but that's not the issue. I'm not asking him for luxury, I just want to feel like he's making effort to show me that I'm important. It's hard to accept that in this day and age, there are still men who can't show simple chivalry.
Now, I'm confused. I love him so much but I also think, if he's like this now, how can he be in the future? Maybe when we get married, he'll be even more like this—no effort, no simple princess treatment, and maybe the relationship will become even more transactional. So I ask myself, is it normal for me to ask for something like this, or am I wrong because I believe in equality? Should I end this relationship even though I love him, if he can't give me the simple things that will make me happy?
