To be honest, I don't know how much patience I have left. I'm 25 years old and I've only been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 27 years old, for six months. We were happy at first, the problems were simple, but everything changed when his cousin moved into my small unit. They said it was only for a week, but now he's been here for almost three months.
I pay everything. Every month, I pay ₱17,000 in rent alone. Before, I could afford it. But when his cousin arrived, my expenses suddenly increased: from ₱1,800 for electricity to ₱3,200, and my groceries, which used to be only ₱2,000, have now reached ₱3,500 per week. What hurts is that I feel like I'm the one who owes it because they pretend that all of this is normal.
One day, my laptop went missing. I found out that my cousin had “borrowed” it for an online job application. No goodbye, no text, no sorry. It was like nothing. Then he even tidied up my kitchen that I had tidied up myself. He said it was to make it more “efficient.” The end result was that I couldn’t find my cooking utensils and spices that I had neatly tidied up. That’s when I got really irritated because it wasn’t just my money that was affected, it was also my personal space.
I told my boyfriend that there should be a deadline for how long his cousin can stay. I can't live like this forever, his cousin is like a free boarder. His answer to me was, “family is family, consider this as training for our future.” I wondered, was it really training or were they just taking advantage of my kindness?
I'm not a pushover. I can tolerate it once in a while, but it's been three months. So I said: his cousin should move out before he turns 15, and he should pay for the extra utilities and groceries. If he can't afford it financially, at least he should contribute to the housework. I also don't want sudden visitors without saying goodbye because it's too much hassle and expense.
What hurts is, instead of understanding me, my boyfriend said that I was making our relationship “transactional.” As if I was only thinking about money. He even said that maybe they could move in with another cousin if I couldn't afford it anymore. What I used to think was: if I didn't agree, I was the one who was wrong.
I love my boyfriend. But I also love my own peace and suffering. I'm not an ATM, I'm not a landlord, and I shouldn't be used. I'm torn between whether I should endure for the relationship or leave before the situation gets worse.
This is my question to you: when love is tested by money, respect, and family, should you compromise or walk away?
