I'm Zengie, and I want to vent my frustration. I don't know if I'm still a girlfriend or if I'm just subscribed to a relationship that should probably be canceled.
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Back then, every date we had was full of excitement. When we met, it was like there were fireworks and butterflies. Even if it was just eating fishballs together on the corner, it was like a movie. I never got tired of talking to him. Even until dawn, we would just chat on the phone.
But now… it's different. It's like everything has changed. When we're together, I don't have the same fun I used to have. We're often just sitting in a café in silence, both busy with their cellphones. There's no more teasing, no more surprises. I can't even think about the romantic things I used to do for him. I'm now thinking more about how I can "unfriend" him in real life without hurting him.
Sometimes, I notice that I'm happier with my friends than with him. It's like I'm always a contestant on a patience game show, and he's the host that I don't understand. I'm always adjusting, I'm always avoiding fights. I don't have the energy to argue anymore, so I just keep quiet even though I'm not happy anymore.
I often ask myself: “Is this the relationship I want?” I want to scream but it feels like no one will listen. I wonder, should I click the breakup button? Or maybe we just need a reset? But what if there’s no going back?
If I'm the only one fighting, what's the point? I don't want to stay in a relationship where I'm the only one bringing the thrill. I also want to feel that I'm important, that there's still a spark. But it feels like we've expired.
Now, here I am, admitting: I'm not happy anymore. And maybe, enough is enough. Maybe it's time for me to choose myself before I'm completely consumed.
