My daily allowance is not that big. Usually my parents only give me ₱150 to ₱200. That would be just enough for fare and food at school. Sometimes, I even save the extra so I have something to eat the next day.
But ever since I got a girlfriend, it seems like no matter what strategy I used, it's not enough. When she invites me to eat out, even if it's just fast food or milk tea, I'm the one who pays. When she wants to buy something, even if it's just a small thing, I'm the one who offers it. What I thought back then was, "As a boyfriend, I should be the one who spends money. I should be the one who makes people happy."
At first, it was proud and exciting. It felt good to see him happy because I was simply free. But as time went on, I started to feel the weight. There were days when I was hungry because I had used up all the money he gave me. There were times when my fare wasn't enough so I was forced to borrow from a classmate. The painful thing is, while I was struggling, he didn't seem to notice how difficult the situation was for me.
I'm stuck in fear. I'm afraid to say “no” because he might think I'm being pushy, or he might think I don't love him. So even though I feel like I'm running out of money—not just money but also courage—I just quietly follow his wishes.
But as time passed, I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I shouldn't always be expensive just to make him happy. True love is not measured by the amount of money spent but by respect and concern for each other. If he really loves me, he should understand that we are both students and should learn to save money.
I also thought that if I don't start telling the truth, the problem will only get worse. I can't let myself always be hungry, deep in debt, and with nothing left for myself. Because if I always say "yes," the day might come when even my heart will be exhausted.
Now, I'm trying to muster up the courage to be honest with him. I'll tell him that I love him, but I can't always pay for everything. It might be better if we both share and adjust, because the relationship is stronger when both of you make an effort, not just one.
In the end, I learned that being a boyfriend is not measured by the amount of money you spend, but by how much you know how to love and appreciate. And if his love is truly true, he won't let me run out—whether in allowance or in heart.
