The truth is, I'm having a hard time and my heart feels heavy. I'm 29 years old and my boyfriend (38) and I've been together for almost 8 years. I'm used to trusting him, but lately, there are things that are really bothering me.
I recently found out that he was chatting with a female co-worker. What hurt me the most was when he asked her, “What do you think of me?” To me, that kind of question is not normal anymore, especially if you already have a partner. The woman replied that she only thinks of me as a brother and that she means nothing else. Whether that's true or not, I couldn't help but feel doubt and jealousy because why did he even have to ask that?
What's more painful, my boyfriend said he didn't mean anything by it. He just wanted to get to know the co-worker as a friend. But in my mind and heart, things were different. It was like he was looking for validation from someone else, validation that should only come from me. It hurt in my side, and I couldn't settle down no matter what he explained.
And it didn't end there. Last week, I saw him holding a hardcopy group photo with that co-worker and their other officemates from the seminar. It's not wrong to have a picture, but he hid it from me. When I asked him, he said he might give the wrong meaning so he didn't say it right away. But the truth is, I was even more angry and disappointed. If there's nothing wrong, why hide it?
Now, I don't know if I'm just being petty or if my feelings are right. Yes, I know I'm jealous, but I can't help but think that maybe something is missing between us. I love him so much, I don't want to lose him, but it seems like doubts and insecurity are slowly eating away at me. I'm just taking care of myself, but sometimes I just want to ask: if he really loves me, why are there things he can't tell me directly?
I love my boyfriend, but honestly, I don't know how to deal with these small but heavy things that cause pain and doubt. So here I am, daring to confess here, just to relieve the weight on my chest.
