The truth is, I'm struggling a lot. My husband and I have been married for six years and have been together as lovers for almost a decade. Like other couples, we go through trials—but in our case, more often because of my husband. He loves vices, gambling, and basketball, so he often doesn't have time for me. We don't have children yet and we've tried several times, but God hasn't given us one yet.
It got to the point where I became very strict with him. I admit, I was insecure because I knew he was a chick magnet. Handsome, charismatic, and tall—so it was easy for women to approach him. Lately, I caught him having an affair with his coworker. The pain was because it had been going on for months without me knowing. I talked to both of them, begged them to stop, but they wouldn't stop.
Because of this, as the legal wife, I filed an administrative case against the husband and the woman. He was very angry with me because of that. But the pain was even worse when I found out that he didn't just cheat on one woman. He cheated on many more. It was like I became the sacrificial lamb in all his relationships.
I decided to file a desistance because my husband was begging me to withdraw the case. He was crying and saying he still wanted to reconcile with me. As a wife who loved him very much, he convinced me. But the lawyer said the case could not be withdrawn, so he got even angrier with me. What hurts is that I am the one suffering even though he was the one who cheated.
I still love him very much. I still want to reconcile even though I know he cheated on me over and over again. He almost treats me like a trophy wife, but why does he still cheat? I don't know if I should fight for our marriage or just let it go. It's hard to accept that no matter what I do, I'm still the one chasing, I'm still the one begging.
This is the weight of my heart right now. I accused him of infidelity, but in the end I was still the one who was confused about whether he still loved me.
