I'm 30, an engineer. My fiancé is 31, also an engineer. We both work abroad, both have good careers. Almost everyone around us says we're the "perfect couple." We've been together for 14 years since college, and this December, we're getting married.
Everything for the wedding—from the venue, the gown, the food, the photo and video coverage, and other details—he paid for it. It would cost almost ₱1.5 million, and he never stressed me out about it. He always told me, “All you have to do is show up to our wedding.” When you think about it, it sounds like a fairytale love story, doesn’t it? It sounds like most people’s dream. But there’s a part of our story that not many people know.
In 2022, he made a mistake. Yes, he cheated on me. To this day, even though I've forgiven him, the pain and the question “Why did he do it?” still come back to my mind. Before, I always told myself and my friends, “There's no second chance for a cheater.” But when I was in this situation myself, it was different.
Why did I forgive him? Because I understand why it happened. This is not to justify what he did, but I want to be honest. He asked me to marry him twice, and I turned him down both times. Not because I didn't love him, but because I wasn't ready. During our 14-year relationship, he was the one who always put in the effort—he was the one who always loved, cared, and adjusted. But me? I have to admit, I didn't really appreciate him back then.
He said this was one of the reasons why he sought affection from others. The woman, he said, was caring and affectionate, something I hadn't been able to give much of before. It hurt to hear, but it was a wake-up call for me. That's when I realized how much I loved her and how important she was in my life.
After all, he chose me. He left the woman and did everything to show that he loved only me. He changed, and I could feel it. He became more open, he made more of an effort to be transparent. He showed that he was willing to fix everything for us. And honestly, my trust in him came back—little by little, even though it was hard.
Now, as the wedding approaches, I should be feeling so happy and excited. But the truth is? I'm still scared. Sometimes I think, “What if it happens again?” Was it right that I gave him a second chance? Was it right that I trusted him again?
I love him. I know he loves me too. I won't deny it. But sometimes, I think about testing him to see if he's really changed—even though I know that's not a good idea. I want to make sure I won't get hurt again. But how? There are no guarantees in any relationship, right?
Maybe that's why I'm telling you this story now, because I want to let all this weight out. I can't tell anyone. I don't want them to judge him. I don't want them to ruin our relationship, especially since the wedding is coming up. In everyone's eyes, we're the perfect couple. But me, here—there's fear, there's nervousness, and sometimes there's still doubt.
