My situation is so difficult right now that I want to vent my frustration. I'm 22 years old and I've had a boyfriend for 15 months. But these past few months, I've been so exhausted from thinking and doubting. Honestly, I don't know if I can take it anymore. I feel like my brain is going to explode from overthinking.
Let's go back to September 2024. We had only been together for six months. One day, while I was holding his account (I had access), I suddenly saw a picture of my sister in a skirt on his phone. I was nervous and immediately asked him. He said, “I just sent that to my friend because I was going to shoot him.” But there was no conversation with his friend about it. He suddenly called his friend to cover it up. That's when I was really surprised.
Until he confessed. He said, he used my sister's picture to be selfish. It was like cold water was poured on me. I didn't know whether to cry or scream. It was morning, but I was already devastated. I just cried and cried and asked him, “Where did I go wrong?” The pain was so much.
He did everything to make up for that. He even went to my mom to apologize. He apologized over and over again. Since then, he has become so sweet, more caring, he does almost everything I want. I feel lucky because it seems like he loves me even more. I can feel his effort and he has really changed.
But no matter how hard I try to forget, what he did won't go away from my mind. Even when my own brother tells me not to think about it because he's changed, I can't. I always cry when I remember it. And sometimes I wonder, what if he's still doing it? Is he still attracted to someone else? Is there a chance it could happen again?
I don't want this anymore. I don't know if I should break up so that my suffering can end, or if I should continue because maybe I'm the only one overthinking it and it's true that he has changed. I'm afraid I'll regret leaving him, but I'm also afraid that I'll carry this burden for the rest of my life.
That's why I'm here now, asking for advice. To be honest, I still love him, but I also love myself. I don't know which to choose. Should I end it, or should I give him another chance?
